Oh neck of my heart, you know I do appreciate you. You keep my head from rolling around on the floor, which has allowed me to avoid some very distressing situations. We've been together 22 years, through thick and thin, and I'd like to think we've reached an amicable relationship, wherein any problem can be discussed and resolved in a rational manner.

So what, please tell me, what did I do to make you hate me so? Everything was fine when I went to bed last night, but then this morning I wake up to discover that every time I want to move my head to look at something, you scream at me! Whatever it is that I did, I'M SORRY. Can we make amends? People are starting to think that my awkward, stiff movements mean I'm a robot in disguise.