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I don't believe it.

I did it.

Holy crap I took my driver's test...and I passed. I have a driver's license now. An honest to goodness driver's license.

I suppose I should be doing handsprings or something because hey! I've got the license! I can go driving by myself, and do stuff and...stuff! I guess I'm happy about it. After all, better late than never, right?

On the other hand, though, I'm not all that happy.


Learning to drive and get a license has been a thing that has petrified me for years, literally. I mean, since as far back as I can remember, I've been afraid of driving. I know there are some that can't wait to get their license and get on the road, but not me. It used to be the mere thought of it drove me to tears out of sheer fear. One of my recurring nightmare themes is still driving. It's a dragon that's been pushing me around for years, and I think it still does to a certain extent.

I know part of it is just that I'm very aware of how dangerous cars can be. I haven't been in any serious accidents that I can recall, but that doesn't stop me from being aware of the fact that when I'm behind the wheel, I'm in control of a half-ton piece of metal-covered equipment that I could very easily lose control of and end up hurting/maiming/killing myself or others. And now that I have my license, that is a possibility I'm going to have to live with for the rest of my life. I guess part of the reason I'm afraid of driving, then, is that I'm afraid of not having control of the situation, that I'm going to lose control of the car, or that somebody's going to do something that I can't react to, and that somebody will be seriously hurt by it. It's a scary feeling. Maybe it'll get better as I practice more and get more experience, but for now, I guess I'm going to have to try and live with it.

Probably the other part of my fear is driver's ed. Both the class and the driving part...didn't have a good effect on me. The class itself was about 80% scare tactics of various shapes and forms, and I don't react well to scare tactics. I guess what they're trying to do is get through to the really hard-headed teenagers, but for those of us who were already a little fearful of getting behind the wheel because of what could happen, it just inflamed those feelings. Knowing exactly how a head-on collision will kill me does not help me become a safer driver. It just makes me a more scared one.

Then there was the driving part. That was downright traumatic. I had never had any driving experience before the driving part, not even parking lots late at night, so I was going in cold, and I was *scared*. The instructor guy seemed to be under the impression that everyone had already had some experience of that caliber, and that all he would have to do is sit back and watch. So of course when it was my turn to do it, well, it didn't go over well. Every time I did something wrong, he started making me critically analyze what happened while I was still trying to drive, and it was making me freak out even more and, yeah. I think he played favorites too. When I screwed up a turn, he did the whole analysis thing. When the girl I was driving with screwed up a turn, he was all "Oh, it's okay. Keep going." I don't think I ever got through a single session without breaking down into tears because I was so scared and frustrated and, yeah I know it gets tiresome after a while to tell kids when they've done something right, but for those of us who are petrified, it might help us out to know that we're not screwing up everything. And then when I was finished, he barely passed me, and told my parents that they should install one of those passenger side breaks because hey, I just seemed like I couldn't get it. Well, that helped my confidence a *whole lot*. It was a good long while before I could really practice again without completely freaking.

I still don't know how I've managed to work up to this point. Maybe it's just a maturity thing, and being able to put the past behind me. I dunno. I just know that it's been a dragon terrorizing me for many years, and I think today maybe not to slay it completely, but certainly give it a few good stabs.



I guess overall though, I'm happy. I did it, and I passed. If nothing else, one less thing. ^_^

Comments

[dialogue.livejournal.com]

Congratulations on passing the test!

I know I was absolutely petrified in driver's ed (it didn't help that the instructor was an ass) and came out of the test with a huge feeling of relief. Thank God, I never have to go through THAT again. And now, neither do you!

[peppermintberry.livejournal.com]

Thanks! <3 <3

Say, that's true, I don't have to take it again, do I? SCORE. I was so nervous going into it, so I'm glad it's out of the way now and I can relax a bit. I guess the only thing before me now, really, is practicing, but that's a heckuva lot easier to deal with.

[demonlet.livejournal.com]

WOOHOO! Congratulations, and as Rei said, now you never have to take the test again.

Nothing is more liberating than being able to hop in the car and jaunt down to the corner for a late-night ice cream at Sonic, or your local sugar-peddler. ♥

[peppermintberry.livejournal.com]

Ooh, a late-night venture for sweet-goodness. I hadn't thought about that, but it sounds like it could be fun! I'm definitely going to have to do that at some point.

Also, your icon makes me giggle. <3 <3

[shortcakegreen.livejournal.com]

Congrats, hon! You did it! It'll get easier the more you do it, too, and you never ever have to take the test again. Well, okay, maybe when you're 80 and they're checking for senility. *grins* Believe me, too, how much easier driving gets. I was 100% petrified of it for ages, put off getting the test, regularly burst into tears, avoided the highway like it was death... And now I think nothing of doing a 6 hour car trip all by my lonesome should the need (or, sometimes, -desire-) arise!

[peppermintberry.livejournal.com]

Wow, I hope I'll get to that point, eventually. Something I've daydreamed about is taking a road trip to one of the anime cons out of state, since I think that would be great fun. I think I've still got a ways before that though, since I still need to practice, and I need to get comfortable with the idea of driving for several hours, let alone dealing with general nervousness, but hopefully someday. <3 <3 <3 <3

[peppermintberry.livejournal.com]

BMT? Gah, I'm a goob, but what is that?

Also, I hadn't heard about this experience-sharing bit. Perhaps get ahold of me on AIM and tell me more? I'm curious now. ^_^;;

[dragon-god-jc.livejournal.com]

I told you you could do it! GO Amanda!!! Yay! Now you can come see us (lena and myself.)

Congrats, and hope this helps you to conquer fears!

[peppermintberry.livejournal.com]

Well, I suspect I'd have to actually have a car first, which I don't plan on doing for a while, and I'll need to practice a bit more, but yes, once I get past those things, I can definitely come see you guys! That would be nifty!