OMGWTFOMGWTFOMGWTF
Mar. 8th, 2006 03:28 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ruI don't believe it.
I did it.
Holy crap I took my driver's test...and I passed. I have a driver's license now. An honest to goodness driver's license.
I suppose I should be doing handsprings or something because hey! I've got the license! I can go driving by myself, and do stuff and...stuff! I guess I'm happy about it. After all, better late than never, right?
On the other hand, though, I'm not all that happy.
Learning to drive and get a license has been a thing that has petrified me for years, literally. I mean, since as far back as I can remember, I've been afraid of driving. I know there are some that can't wait to get their license and get on the road, but not me. It used to be the mere thought of it drove me to tears out of sheer fear. One of my recurring nightmare themes is still driving. It's a dragon that's been pushing me around for years, and I think it still does to a certain extent.
I know part of it is just that I'm very aware of how dangerous cars can be. I haven't been in any serious accidents that I can recall, but that doesn't stop me from being aware of the fact that when I'm behind the wheel, I'm in control of a half-ton piece of metal-covered equipment that I could very easily lose control of and end up hurting/maiming/killing myself or others. And now that I have my license, that is a possibility I'm going to have to live with for the rest of my life. I guess part of the reason I'm afraid of driving, then, is that I'm afraid of not having control of the situation, that I'm going to lose control of the car, or that somebody's going to do something that I can't react to, and that somebody will be seriously hurt by it. It's a scary feeling. Maybe it'll get better as I practice more and get more experience, but for now, I guess I'm going to have to try and live with it.
Probably the other part of my fear is driver's ed. Both the class and the driving part...didn't have a good effect on me. The class itself was about 80% scare tactics of various shapes and forms, and I don't react well to scare tactics. I guess what they're trying to do is get through to the really hard-headed teenagers, but for those of us who were already a little fearful of getting behind the wheel because of what could happen, it just inflamed those feelings. Knowing exactly how a head-on collision will kill me does not help me become a safer driver. It just makes me a more scared one.
Then there was the driving part. That was downright traumatic. I had never had any driving experience before the driving part, not even parking lots late at night, so I was going in cold, and I was *scared*. The instructor guy seemed to be under the impression that everyone had already had some experience of that caliber, and that all he would have to do is sit back and watch. So of course when it was my turn to do it, well, it didn't go over well. Every time I did something wrong, he started making me critically analyze what happened while I was still trying to drive, and it was making me freak out even more and, yeah. I think he played favorites too. When I screwed up a turn, he did the whole analysis thing. When the girl I was driving with screwed up a turn, he was all "Oh, it's okay. Keep going." I don't think I ever got through a single session without breaking down into tears because I was so scared and frustrated and, yeah I know it gets tiresome after a while to tell kids when they've done something right, but for those of us who are petrified, it might help us out to know that we're not screwing up everything. And then when I was finished, he barely passed me, and told my parents that they should install one of those passenger side breaks because hey, I just seemed like I couldn't get it. Well, that helped my confidence a *whole lot*. It was a good long while before I could really practice again without completely freaking.
I still don't know how I've managed to work up to this point. Maybe it's just a maturity thing, and being able to put the past behind me. I dunno. I just know that it's been a dragon terrorizing me for many years, and I think today maybe not to slay it completely, but certainly give it a few good stabs.
I guess overall though, I'm happy. I did it, and I passed. If nothing else, one less thing. ^_^
I did it.
Holy crap I took my driver's test...and I passed. I have a driver's license now. An honest to goodness driver's license.
I suppose I should be doing handsprings or something because hey! I've got the license! I can go driving by myself, and do stuff and...stuff! I guess I'm happy about it. After all, better late than never, right?
On the other hand, though, I'm not all that happy.
Learning to drive and get a license has been a thing that has petrified me for years, literally. I mean, since as far back as I can remember, I've been afraid of driving. I know there are some that can't wait to get their license and get on the road, but not me. It used to be the mere thought of it drove me to tears out of sheer fear. One of my recurring nightmare themes is still driving. It's a dragon that's been pushing me around for years, and I think it still does to a certain extent.
I know part of it is just that I'm very aware of how dangerous cars can be. I haven't been in any serious accidents that I can recall, but that doesn't stop me from being aware of the fact that when I'm behind the wheel, I'm in control of a half-ton piece of metal-covered equipment that I could very easily lose control of and end up hurting/maiming/killing myself or others. And now that I have my license, that is a possibility I'm going to have to live with for the rest of my life. I guess part of the reason I'm afraid of driving, then, is that I'm afraid of not having control of the situation, that I'm going to lose control of the car, or that somebody's going to do something that I can't react to, and that somebody will be seriously hurt by it. It's a scary feeling. Maybe it'll get better as I practice more and get more experience, but for now, I guess I'm going to have to try and live with it.
Probably the other part of my fear is driver's ed. Both the class and the driving part...didn't have a good effect on me. The class itself was about 80% scare tactics of various shapes and forms, and I don't react well to scare tactics. I guess what they're trying to do is get through to the really hard-headed teenagers, but for those of us who were already a little fearful of getting behind the wheel because of what could happen, it just inflamed those feelings. Knowing exactly how a head-on collision will kill me does not help me become a safer driver. It just makes me a more scared one.
Then there was the driving part. That was downright traumatic. I had never had any driving experience before the driving part, not even parking lots late at night, so I was going in cold, and I was *scared*. The instructor guy seemed to be under the impression that everyone had already had some experience of that caliber, and that all he would have to do is sit back and watch. So of course when it was my turn to do it, well, it didn't go over well. Every time I did something wrong, he started making me critically analyze what happened while I was still trying to drive, and it was making me freak out even more and, yeah. I think he played favorites too. When I screwed up a turn, he did the whole analysis thing. When the girl I was driving with screwed up a turn, he was all "Oh, it's okay. Keep going." I don't think I ever got through a single session without breaking down into tears because I was so scared and frustrated and, yeah I know it gets tiresome after a while to tell kids when they've done something right, but for those of us who are petrified, it might help us out to know that we're not screwing up everything. And then when I was finished, he barely passed me, and told my parents that they should install one of those passenger side breaks because hey, I just seemed like I couldn't get it. Well, that helped my confidence a *whole lot*. It was a good long while before I could really practice again without completely freaking.
I still don't know how I've managed to work up to this point. Maybe it's just a maturity thing, and being able to put the past behind me. I dunno. I just know that it's been a dragon terrorizing me for many years, and I think today maybe not to slay it completely, but certainly give it a few good stabs.
I guess overall though, I'm happy. I did it, and I passed. If nothing else, one less thing. ^_^
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2006-03-09 10:43 pm (UTC)