And so it begins

Well, as of yesterday, I am officially doing the grad student thing, attending classes and all that. Thus far, it hasn't been that bad--my statistics class seems like it'll be okay, and it was nice for my old ecology professor (whom I haven't spoken with in about five years) to remember me. I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop though. Friday is the first lab planning day, when I'll get the lab sections I'll be teaching and find out what it is I need to do for the class and all that. Things are going to go to hell in a handbasket, free time-wise, after that.

I am, needless to say, anxious about it. For all intents and purposes, I'll be in charge of teaching two lab sections. I got a little bit of experience handling a class when I helped with the plant systematics lab last semester, but all I was really doing was helping to field questions and grade papers--I wasn't getting up and lecturing or handling administering labs or anything like that. The last time I did anything get-up-and-orate-like, it was when I was taking a discussion course in which each student had to lead one discussion over the course of the semester, and it FREAKED ME OUT. I was a wreck before I did it, I researched my heart out, yet felt entirely unprepared, and got up and was nervous and had issues with my mouth drying out and in general was quite miserable. Admittedly, I was the only undergrad in a grad course, so I was under pressure to do well, but in general I don't like getting up in front of a class and trying to teach people something. I dunno that I have the charisma for it (I think I have issues with being endlessly wordy), and I worry about keeping people's attention.

And let's not even get into things like grading papers. I worry desperately about being fair and giving the right number of points for an answer that's partially, but not completely correct. And what happens if I get asked a question that I don't know the answer to? Or at least, one I'm not entirely certain about. My instinct is to not trust myself, so while I'm pretty sure about the answer to a question, I have a tendency to be doubtful about it, and to say that I *think* that's the right answer to their question, but they might want to look it up to doublecheck me. I'm terrified of giving incorrect information, and then that student taking it as gospel and putting it on a paper and then me finding out later that I had told them wrong.

I dunno. Maybe I'll feel better about it once I get into it. Right now, though, I guess I just have to wait and see.

(no subject)

Sign you need more sleep #46:

You find yourself staring blankly at your internet browser because all of a sudden you can't find the referesh/stop buttons.

And only relocate them when your hand, which has had more sleep than you, apparently, automatically finds them when you want them later.